Songs and my lack of life

All I can think of is song titles right now...Upsidedown...Crazy...Road to Nowhere...I am sure that there are others to describe what I am going through and how I have been feeling over the past month.

First, I was supposed to have moved out of this house that I have been living in for 8 years with the man I have had a relationship with for 15 years or so...

My deadline was June 3oth. I was convinced I would be able to be out before then. I was shooting for May 30th. I had talked to a few people, arrangements were being made. I went to see the places to get an idea of the places I could move.

One place I thought I could move, the landlady decided she didn't want to rent it any longer. The second place is not in the process of being sold..and I had somethings I left there to store..so now I have to frantically figure out how to get those things out of there. The third place will not work do to lack of space and other financial considerations.

The third place I had been set to move to on July 1st. I had rented a u-haul, arranged with people who would drive it for me. I changed mailing address items to this new place, and contacted various governmental people to have papers sent there. I went to the house to clean an area so that in the 3 days when the u-haul was to arrive that there would be space to unload my things to...until I could move them to their designated holding areas.

It didn't work out. There was no space, nor would there ever be enough space for my things. There was the decision of where large powertool type things were to go..and the total rearranging of this persons life would have had to have been done...because of me. We didn't know each other well and I don't think that much was thought through and so the plan to move was made null and void.

I had to go back to the house I was living in with my tail between my legs and "failure" stamped on my forehead.

And this was the week after I turned 40.

I will always remember this birthday year. The year everything fell through. There was no party to mark this major life passage, just me packing boxes and worrying that I wouldn't have enough tape.

I have just learned that the person who was going to help move me just got into a car accident. If I lived in any other century they would have burned me as a jinx or a witch. Everyone I have come in contact with who has offered to help me, something bad has happened to and I can only feel that it is due to the association with me.

So there I am...in a pity puddle.

Now I am trying to figure out how to get out again, with nowhere to go. I am looking into storage for my things. If my things can be safe, well then it really won't matter what happens to me....

So off I go in another direction, hoping that this time I can find something that will work and I can move forward in my life...and get back to my artwork that has been put on hold for 6 months now.