When can I breathe?

At some point in the day I hit the "crying place".

Things had started out alright, good in fact. I was actually enjoying the day and a got a few things accomplished. Then the bottom fell out.

I went to check on the insurance quote that I have to purchase for the Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farm. Everything looked out...but I am an idiot and should have read it through more carefully. My "checks and balance man" who lives in my brain must have taken a bathroom break and everything seemed "go". I payed for the policy and they when I was printing up the policy for my files, before I sent the PDF off to the promoters of the event...I noticed there was no medical coverage, as was required. Then I noticed there was no Fire coverage...a basic need and requirement for this festival. Sigh.

But I noticed this as I was replying to an email and suddenly a Windows Automatic Update(I hate damn Vista) caused the computer to shut down. Then the downward spiral began.

I have to go and make supper for my hostesses in 20 minutes and I am feeling pressured...my own doing though...

I had to write an email to the Special event insurance contact to inform her I was an idiot and hopefully, this policy can be fixed. Its already paid for by this idiot..a policy that I can't use. Grrr.

This got me to thinking about the contents of 2 emails that upset me, knocking me down 2 more rungs on the emotional ladder. One reminded me about how people never listen to you and the other brought me right back into the land of "YOU Have Nowhere To Live".

To address the second thought...no-live-landia....I looked at the room that I was going to possibly rent that is part of the basement where my friends have their apartment where I am currently staying. I don't think its going to work. Which now narrows my 2 possible options to zero. I can't call anyone on the phone to talk and what would I say if I could..."oh pity me?" Nobody did when I mentioned my "issues" a month and a half ago when my life the bottom fell out of my life, nobody is now as I try to pick up the piece but find I had nowhere to turn, and nobody will in the future because that is just how my life is.

Someone responded to a posting I made requesting ideas on how to proceed in fixing my life on a site dedicated to financial assistance telling me I should join the army. I am 39 and not in the best of health. Hmmm, thanks for suggesting it. I think I will go to my local recruiter right now.

Maybe I can get shipped over seas and not come back...on second though...Where CAN I sign up?